Extramarital Affair – Whirlwind of Emotions
It was but obvious that Chandini was terribly distracted and even though her face was a mirror of calm; her eyes gave her away at times. Those who knew her well had to just look into her eyes to know what she was feeling. Nevertheless, Chandini pushed herself to remain unruffled and distant from the storm that was raging through her heart.
Walking across to the bay windows, Chandini put down her mug of coffee and stared wistfully into the horizon. Moody, her faithful shadow slumped down on the rug and lay across her feet like he always did. How she loved this view and never tired of it. The mountains with their shiny white tops and glistening snow even miles away always brought a smile to her face. She looked down at her hands and was taken aback to see them trembling. Reaching out to Moody, she patted his head and scratched his ears in an effort to stop her hands shaking. “You are such a lazy cocker Moody…always ready for a free scratch, right!”
“What’s the matter with me? Why am I behaving in this manner?” thought Chandini to herself. She shivered under the cotton sweatshirt even though the winter chill was yet to set in. Watching the sun trying to peek through the mist, a few rays of sunshine caught the tendrils across her face illuminating the warmth of her personality across the room.
Her glance kept going to the bookshelf across the room where she had left her phone. It took all her inner strength to stop herself from getting up and grabbing the phone and looking at it as she had been doing so continuously since the past few days. She was sick and tired of doing this…sick and tired of the waiting and sick and tired of playing these games. Unfortunately, the shrill ring of her mobile made her jump out of her skin and shook her out of her thoughts as she made her way to answer the call.
Minutes later, post a rather short and sweet and to the point work call, she placed the phone back on the shelf. She willed herself to not check her phone to see if he had replied. It had been about three days now. She hated that she was constantly checking his ‘last seen at’ status and yes, he had logged in just five minutes ago. Yet she couldn’t stop herself. This sinking feeling to find absolutely no communication from him was becoming unbearable, almost torturous.
And then, just as she sat down in her chair, her phone vibrated. With her heart thudding in her ear, she unlocked her phone and stared at the screen. Finally! It was his message.
But when she opened it and read it, she nearly stopped breathing. She didn’t know if he was joking or not. What was this?
The words stared back in her face…the whirlwind of emotions swirling through her were worse than a roller-coaster ride. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking the past few days and I feel it would be best if I go back to my wife. It’s been a very tough decision for me but it would be unfair on my part to leave Ananya at this stage. It breaks my heart but I have to put an end to our relationship. Best if we have no further contact. I know you are very strong Chandini and will handle it better than me. Hope you can forgive me one day. Yours, Viraaf.”
What the hell did all this even mean? And what did the ‘Yours’ at the end of the message even define when he was bringing everything to an end. Chandini tried to make sense of the message… Reading and re-reading every word… A mixture of anger and sadness making her eyes moist till she felt tears roll down her face. A pair of eyes were fixed firmly on her, watching her like a hawk and it is really uncanny how perceptive dogs are to emotions, especially of their loved ones. Suddenly Moody was in her lap, licking her face and tears away. “What would I do without you?” whispered Chandini.
“Stop crying for the ba##ard,” she kept muttering to herself. “Just stop it.” In hindsight, Chandini had been dreading this moment…somehow she always knew it would never last. But being a die-hard optimist and one that took risks, sometimes unnecessary ones in life…she always kept the window of hope alive. But it was not to be and she gave out a harsh laugh!
Flinging the phone on the bed, Chandini decided to not think anymore and felt she needed a breath of fresh air and maybe a long walk to clear her head. Hurriedly throwing on a pair of jeans and a clean sweatshirt, Chandini looked for her sneakers, while for a change Moody watched all her actions without the usual excitement and tail wagging and barking. Grabbing her keys, she stepped out into the cool breeze with Moody in tow, tugging at his leash as he always did. “When will you learn to walk Moody?” questioned Chandini while bending down to tie her shoelaces. She suddenly remembered she had left her phone inside but decided against going back into the house to get it even though she was certain her Mother would call as she usually did in the mornings. “Aaah loved ones… What would we do without them?” she thought.
Walking through the cobbled streets, Chandini headed towards their favourite trail. Boy was she thankful that she had taken the decision to move to Kasauli, even though many were not happy with her decision of living in solitude. She had also spent all her precious savings in buying the quaint property that was now her home – a small cottage but spacious enough to live comfortably and one that even boasted of a garden. But she never regretted her decision as this is where she felt totally at peace and was able to pursue her passion for writing.
The mystic beauty and charm of Kasauli always drew Chandini back again and again. Away from the maddening chaos and hustle-bustle of city life, this surreal destination was exactly what Chandini needed. Paradise on earth and she felt blessed indeed. Her handful of neighbours scattered around were nice…a mixed bunch and everyone minded their own business. Chandini could hear Mrs. Sood yelling at her gardener. “That will never change,” she thought to herself. Ben, her nutty and eccentric Dutch painter best friend waved to her and beckoned her to join him. “In a bit,” she yelled back and quickly looked away for he knew her only too well and would notice her expressions. But Ben knew something was up as he had caught the distress in her eyes and his heart broke thinking of the worst possible scenario in his mind. But he knew he had to wait for her to talk. “Later then,” Ben bellowed after her in his hoarse voice.
Moody pulled her towards the bushes while she wistfully stared at the profusion of wild flowers, greenery, and thick forests of pine, oak and horse-chestnut around her. The air was fresh and echoed of quiet serenity. The silence was only broken by the calls from birds and chattering of squirrels and monkeys. She thought back to the last few weeks… Yes, it had only been two months since she had met Viraaf. They had connected instantly…mutual attraction, the electric undercurrents between them and the ease at which they had fallen in love. This was the one time when she had realised and felt what ‘Love at First Sight’ meant. It had hit her with such a force that she had never quite recovered to understand how fast the relationship had moved forward to dizzying heights.
“How does one pull the brakes on something that felt so right,” Chandini thought to herself. Viraaf had been nothing short of playing his role to the hilt. Attentive, showering Chandini with gifts, making her laugh, sitting endlessly for hours talking about life, wining and dining her in Chandigarh, and successfully sweeping her off her feet with an unbridled passion. He had told her straight up that he was married…stuck in a loveless marriage that was suffocating him. The warning bells in her head had gone off then but she had just brushed them off when he reassuringly had repeated day after day that the days ahead would only be about them being together and celebrating life as one.
She never thought of herself as a ‘marriage breaker’ or the ‘other’ woman and felt very guilty about being with Viraaf at first. But hearing about his life and marriage made her think that why shouldn’t two people who love each either and are right for each other be given a chance? That was fair thinking too, wasn’t it? They deserved new beginnings…dreams turning into reality…and possibilities of living life on their terms.
Their time together had flown past with both of them balancing work and meetings and responsibilities and spending precious moments in all the madness. Chandini had finished her research for her next book while Viraaf had managed to get the teething problems ironed out of his new office being set up. Reality always lands with a thud and so they finally discussed the way ahead and how they would work on their new life together. Viraaf had assured her that divorce would not be a problem as Ananya led her own life and was in any case sick and tired of him. Having no kids made it look all the more easy.
Their goodbye was rather dramatic and they parted ways tearfully and with heavy hearts but both looking forward to their time ahead. And that’s when the nightmare began… Other than his, “Landed” message on WhatsApp three days back, there had been no further communication. She knew she had to be careful while messaging him, and in giving him time to sort things out but this was unexpected and so out of the blue. Chandini finally sat on one of the stray, unpainted and rusty benches and wept her heart out. Moody looked perplexed with all the sobbing but stuck close to her, occasionally whimpering or putting his paw across her lap.
Hours later, with renewed determination and a new found strength Chandini decided to let it all go and move ahead. All her life she had believed that things always happened for the best and that this one was another incident that needed to be seen in the same light. “It is going to be alright Moody… You just watch,” she said loudly to Moody who gave the impression he understand every word uttered.
Brushing off the dust from the bench and with a deep breath, Chandini yet again, pushed this episode at the back of her mind…in the darkest corner of her memories that she never ever visited again. There was so much more to look forward to and she was ready. Thank goodness, not many knew about Viraaf and she had the good sense to be secretive for a change.
Pushing open Ben’s creaky gate, she yelled, “Hello… I need some strong coffee, preferably with a shot of whisky and I need it now!” Freeing Moody from his leash, and watching Moody bounce into the house, Chandini freed herself from the shackles of her past as well and walked in with a cheery smile.
–END–
A person who loves, in a very special way, someone who is the same gender. For example, a gay man wants to be involved with and love another man. A gay person may choose to have a special relationship with someone and share a home and have a family together.
